the amazing adventures of jen14221

more about what i'm eating. and wearing.

Nothing too exciting, sorry.  The other night I did have 1/2 of a hot dog with the skin peeled off.  It's just not the same without a bun (which is bread, and bread I cannot eat).  I'm getting sick of the Carnation Instant Breakfast-Protein Powder meal, but it's the only way I can consistently get 30 grams of protein in me.  Times that by two and I'm just about there for the day (I'm supposed to have between 70 and 80 grams of protein for the day, to prevent muscle and hair loss).  It's not easy; you try consuming 80 grams of protein in your 800 calories per day.  I think the best meal I could have would just be a big chunk of chicken with a Carnation Instant Breakfast to wash it down.  It's just too bad that chicken suddenly does not taste very good, and I cannot eat AND drink at the same time.  My stupid new stomach will not allow it.  I did find these proscuitto/chicken/cheese tortelloni that had 15 grams of protein in a 3/4 cup serving, so I this weekend I cooked them up with a little melted butter and parmesan cheese.  In the past I would have inhaled something like that but I really cannot eat even 1/2 cup of anything these days, let alone 3/4 cup.  So sad, and how boring for you to have to read my drivel. Who would have thought that I would have to force myself to eat anything, at least when I was not going through a bad breakup with a jerky boyfriend, circa 1989 or '90.  Today I am in Philadelphia (City of Death from Heat Stroke, Jesus it's hot here) and found these little 'Portions' at Au Bon Pain that are new Jen14221-sized, just a few ounces of food, and some are packed with protein.  I think they are being marketed towards dieters, not gastric bypass patients, but I will take what I can get.  They're fucking expensive but I don't really have a choice and I guess I'll save money by having ANOTHER Carnation Instant Breakfast for dinner tonight.  I am seriously thinking of creating a macro for Carnation Instant Breakfast because I am tired of typing Carnation Instant Breakfast over and over.  In other news, I have not weighed myself in some time (I haven't owned a scale since I hit the 150's which was looooong ago) but I am wearing a pair of pants that have not fit me in at least two years.  Applause.

things i've eaten in the last four or five days

1. Many, many, many Carnation Instant Breakfasts mixed with skim milk and protein powder
2. Two chinese dumplings*
3. Fresh pineappple*
4. 1/2 of a Lean Cuisine - Chicken Enchilada Suiza
5. Sugar-free pudding
6. Chicken noodle soup from Au Bon Pain
7. Watermelon*
8. 2 ounces rotisserie chicken wrapped in a wheat tortilla with swiss cheese and light mayo*
9. 1/2 cup plain cheese tortellini
10. Peanut protein bar (20 grams of protein!)

* Indicates a very upset stomach.  I had to cancel a meeting due to the dumplings.  I could not leave my hotel room with any confidence.

In other news, it's Peter's 42nd birthday today.  Ice cream cake and steak and blowjobs! 

Unfortunatley I won't be having any steak. Or cake.

friday kid photo, and the hole in the backyard

Doesn't the yard look nice?  We are officially lazy, suburban homeowners.  We paid people to come and weed and mulch our gardens.  I won't tell you how much it cost because it's obscene, but the final bill was several hundred dollars more than the estimate.  It's a good thing I'm off food. 

And fuck me, there has not been very much progress on the patio.  But there are a few thousand dollars worth of rocks in the driveway. 

learning slowly

I definately came back to work at least a week too early.  But you know, when you are self-employed and you don't work for two weeks in June, your paycheck is going to be half-sized.  I think I was more worried about the money I was losing than making sure I had enough time to recover at home.  It's kind of a pain in the ass to mix Carnation Instant Breakfast in your hotel room.  Oh well, I'm here and I'm alive and I will hopefully have enough cash at the end of the month to pay for $2000 worth of rocks.  For the patio.  Which is still just a giant hole in the backyard, I am told. 

I've been eating pretty well.  Smoothies and the afore-mentioned Carnation Instant Breakfast mixed, messily, in my hotel room.  Yesterday I had the teensiest helping (maybe 1/4 cup) mac and cheese for lunch.  Last night I met my best Philadelphia friend for dinner and had wonton soup and some chicken panang curry.  I was full after the soup but just had to have a scoop of rice and chicken in delicious coconut/peanut sauce.  It was the fatty in me showing her true colors.  I have always done this, and hve never been able to understand people who just stop eating even if they are not full.  It's a sickness, probably learned in high school or college.  I was never able to pass up food, even if I was not hungry.  Sick sick sick.  I'm learning slowly though.  Today for lunch I was full after just a small cup of chicken noodle soup and I stopped. 

oh, shit

What the hell was I thinking when I decided to take only two weeks off from work to recover from my surgery?  I am going back tomorrow morning (first class baby) and staying through Thursday night.  WTF.  I am sooo tired today, and I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I did a lot yesterday.  Not a lot for a normal person, but a lot for someone living on Carnation Instant Breakfasts.  I did have a crabcake last night at the Wilson Boat House, and let me tell you - what a waste of stomach space.  It was really just adequate.  It was strange drinking only water, no wine at all, but I don't even miss it.  Anyway, I overdid it yesterday and I am going to rest up today.  I need to do some laundry, pack and make a run to the grocery store but other than that I am going to be a slug.

Fun fact:  I cannot eat bread.  Even if I chew it 50 times.  It gets stuck and causes great pain and discomfort.  Then I have to either 1) jump up and down to get it to move down my gullet or 2) stick my finger down my throat to barf it up.

Charming, no?

a giant hole in my backyard

My husband has decided to build a patio in our backyard.  I woke to the sound of a bobcat this morning.

I'm sure our neighbors just love us.

friday kid photo

You know how there's always one kid who screams and cries during Pre-K graduation?

Yep, that was my kid.

This is the BEFORE picture.

eating out

I got this at the surgeon's office yesterday:

My iPhone takes crap closeup pictures and you probably can't read the text, but this is basically a card that I can flash at restaurants to allow me to order off the kid's menu.  Hilarious.

For lunch today I had a Lean Cuisine Sesame Chicken meal - it's 300 calories and 15 grams of protein.  I know I just fast-forwarded a bit but I did take a full 45 minutes to eat only 3/4 of the meal and I feel great.  I really needed to chew something.  Did you know that I have to take dime sized bites of all my food and chew chew chew like 20 times until the food is basically mush?  It's true.  This will be something I need to learn to do consistenly - I am so used to gulping down my food.

And non-surgery related news:  my boy graduates from Pre-K tonight.

 

I don't know what that face is all about but he is stylin'.

this is what it's come to

This is basically what I can eat:

Technically, the goldfish crackers in my tomato soup are not approved on the liquid diet, but I let them soak and get all soft untl they are no longer considered a solid.

That soup is fucking delicious.  All 1/4 cup of it I can eat at a time.

I went for my post-op appointment today.  I AM DOWN 12 POUNDS IN NINE DAYS.  Yowza.

pictures!

I'm going back to work next Monday, I have lots to do and all, and I hope things go well.  I am a little afraid of being more than just a short distance from the bathroom, and eating in Philadephia may be a challenge at first.  I'm on the full-liquid diet for a few more days, then it's onto the soft-food diet (applesauce, mashed potatos, eggs) until I'm on regular foods (sometime late in June).  I do not plan on taking a blender to the Embassy Suites with me so I may be living off Au Bain Pain soup and Carnation Instant Breakfast.

Oh, by the way.  I fear I may now be lactose intolerant.  See sentence above re: being far away from the bathroom.

I have a post-op appointment in the morning.  My sweet neighbor is afraid of me driving so she's taking me.  I love my neighbors.

Tomorrow they will weigh me and I am interested to see what I'm at.  Here's a few pictures of Before and After (so far)

Yeah, that's me in like February or March.  Fat.

Me in the hospital.  So sexy.

And me today.  I only have one chin!

I hope you were not hoping for those full-body snapshots because I'm not into that.  I know I'm fat and soon I will be thin.  So there.