i'm alive

So let me tell you the story of how I came to be here, in my living room, watching Maury Povitch, with a hundred stab wounds in my tummy.  I never meant this to be The Gastric Bypass Blog, so you'll have to bear with me as I share what's going on now.  Eventually things will be back to normal, and I'll be hating on US Air again.

On Monday, I got up at 4:30am and drove to my mom and dad's house.  Since they moved my surgery up, Peter couldn't take me, so my dad drove me in.  I checked in at the hospital and they had me give a urine sample and change and then they took me away.  At 7:30am, they put in an IV and then that's the last thing I knew for a while.

At 2:30 I woke up crying that my back hurt and I remember being laughed at by the aide or orderly because my stomach was supposed to hurt, blah blah.  They urged me to use the pain medication pump and I would feel better, but the pain pump didn't work.  So they ripped out the IV and put in back in with a giant popsicle stick to hold it in place.  Ahhh, sweet pain medication relief.

Peter was in my room waiting for me when they wheeled me in but I don't remember much.  I know he set out my toothbrush and toothpaste (and I never even used them until Wednesday, ewww, gross).  And that's what I remember about Monday.

On Tuesday I know there were other patients walking the halls and chatting and I was thinking WHAT THE HELL because my pain was so much worse on Tuesday than on the first day. I was supposed to be walking the halls too but it was all I could do to walk to the bathroom and back without dying.  On Tuesday I ate a blue popsicle which did not leak through the little tube attached to one of my stab wounds, and so they started bringing me jello.  Oh jello, I forgot how I loved you.  On Tuesday night my IV became filled with blood and so they needed to take out the popsicle stick jerry-rigged one and put in a new one and I was so dehydrated and my veins are crap and it was 11:00pm, that it took 4 different personnel and six different attempts to get it in.  by 3:00am.  What the Fuck.  Then they asked me if I would be ready to go home on Wednesday and I cried, cried, cried for an hour and started to panic and got some nice meds to calm me down.

Wednesday I felt better, started to walk the halls, pass gas, all that stuff you are supposed to do.  Fun times.  I watched a little TV and read a little but slept as much as possible in between drinking apple juice in little sips and eating red jello and eating beef consomme (ewww). I brushed my teeth finally.

Yesterday I TOOK A SHOWER and finally came home at 4pm.  If I was more coordinated I would take a picture of my belly and all the stab wounds and post it for you.  You should probably be pleased I will not do this.

Thanks to everyone who has been so nice.  My mom has been a star inheloing out with Will; also my neighbor Karen.  Everyone who sent well-wishes and tweets - thank you!  I got some flowers and cards and phone calls and I appreciate everything so very much.

I'm now on Stage 1 Clear-Liquid Diet - water, juice, jello, Crystal Light, broth - until Sunday.  Right now all I can bear is water (one ounce every 15 minutes) and jello. 

Okay, I am exhausted.

Comments

[Em]

I'm glad your Dad drove you. The idea of you driving yourself concerned me.

I'm sending good thoughts your way and will be ready for small quantities of margaritas whenever you are. Hey, Jen14221 can now always be the designated driver while shows off her new size 10 figure. Sweet.

[meribon]

No pics of stab wounds, please!

Good to hear that you're home. Rest up!!

[kagemom69]

Love that you are home and doing well.....I'm with meribon - and enjoy the rest, take it slow, there is no need to go crazy and rush things....you've waited this long, don't F it up now!!

[Tammy]

Glad to hear you are home and feeling better. Take it day by day and don't rush things.

[BuffaloJenn]

I was very worried about you as I read through this post. I was relieved that you are feeling better, though. Hang in there. BTW: in case you don't know, Crystal Light makes a hydration water version of those little packets you can add to water bottles. It's pretty tasty and it actually helps somewhat with hydration.

Good luck!

[Eden]

Sounds like after a Caesarian ;) Glad to know you're feeling human again. I like the pink lemonade Crystal Light. And those packets for the 20 oz bottles? Yeah they're cool and they have lots of new flavors too.

And get the pina colada, strawberry daiquiri and margarita flavored Jellos.

[jen]

I am so glad you are feeling better. You did it! Hopefully it will get easier.

[One Wink]

All the best to you and wishes for a quick recovery :-)